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Everybody hurts sometimes
By Barry & Joyce Vissell

Do you ever find yourself looking at certain people and thinking to yourself, “Surely that person’s life is totally incredible and they are not hurting like I am.”  This is something most people do; they look at others, compare themselves to them, and conclude that the other person’s life is better. Whereas you are so aware of the hurt and problems in your life.
My news for you, coming from 47 years of counseling people, is that everyone hurts sometimes. People can look totally together and happy on the outside, and on the inside, there is a hurt that they are feeling, but just not showing.
Sometimes I watch small clips on YouTube of the winners of “Britain’s Got Talent.” I think the best one I ever saw was a sixty-four-year-old priest by the name of Father Ray Kelly from a small city in Ireland. He sang a song called, “Everybody Hurts.” I believe it was the first time that a priest was on the show, and he got a standing ovation. Before he sang, he told the judges that he wanted to sing this song for all of his parishioners to comfort them as he knows they all hurt sometimes. The song is so beautiful and moving and if you have a chance, I would strongly suggest you listen to it. Here’s the link: Everybody Hurts.
He sings, “Everybody hurts sometimes, but hold on ... hold on and take comfort in your prayers.” And then, at the very end of the song, he adds his own personal touch by saying in the most beautiful Irish accent, “You are not alone!”
I have listened to him sing this many times and each time I feel the truth of the song, everybody hurts and we need to hold on and take comfort in our prayers and spiritual life. We are never alone in our pain, even though it can feel that way.
When we are hurting, I believe it hurts even more when we compare ourselves to others and feel that their lives are free from pain, and why do we have to go through this challenge.
Barry and I love the movie, “The Gospel.” In this movie, the minister goes through his own pain and hurting and then, rather than keeping it a secret, he shares it with his church. Then he invites the congregation, “Come on down to the altar. Can we talk about it?” As people are walking to the altar he says, “We are all going through our own storms. Can we talk about it?” In the movie, you see people walking to the altar that appeared to have no troubles what so ever. We all have our own storms that we are walking through. Every human being hurts sometimes.
Barry and I are going through our own storm right now. Because it involves someone else, we are not able to share the details, except to say that at times it hurts us very much. I can share what we are learning through going through this. Each time there is a pain and hurt within us, it is an opportunity to trust in the Divine more deeply. We are learning to trust more completely, and not lean on our own understanding and thought process. We are also finding that each adversity is bringing a gift into our lives. We often do not know the gift that is coming, but we can give thanks that a gift is coming. Also going through this deep pain together is bringing an incredible closeness between Barry and me. We need each other very much as we face this situation. We are praying more and practicing gratitude.
Sometimes I look at other people and other families and I think, “Now they do not have any challenges, their lives seem perfect.” When I compare myself to others, it is sure to bring sadness to my heart. But when I can trust, I can feel at peace.
There is a sentence that I say to myself every single day as I am going through this hurt. “The darkness of adversity allows me to see the radiance of the light more clearly.” I know that I am becoming stronger in my heart and stronger in my love. As I work with others in my counseling practice, the strength of what I am going through is coming forth from such a depth within me.
“Everybody hurts sometimes……hold on……hold on……take comfort in your prayers. You are not alone. Father Ray Kelly got the biggest applause that there had ever been. The judges said that his was the best audition ever to be on the show. He had simply touched a place within us all that needs comfort when we are hurting.  

Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are passionate about conscious relationship and personal-spiritual growth. They are the authors of 9 books and a new free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Call 831-684-2130 for further information on counseling sessions by phone, on-line, or in person, their books, recordings or their schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their web site at for their free monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart.

A Free Gift for You
We would love to give you a free gift, our new audio album of sacred songs and chants, available for download at, or to listen on YouTube:

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